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I’m afraid I’ll never finish college. I’m afraid I’ll finish college with student loans I can never pay back. I’m afraid I’ll get a degree and won’t be able to find a job in that field. I’m afraid I’ll get a degree, get the job I dreamed of, and hate it.
A Mental Illness Happy Hour listener whose list of fears matches mine four for four. Glad I’m not the only one.
(via bl-ossomed)

(Source: insensiblenothingness)



✧ ~happy soon birthday Chris~ ✧ 

                (tags via itreallyisthelittlethings)

“What now?” Zach asks when they slide into the back of the town car.

“Alice remembered.”

Zach sighs, feels the headache coming on already.  “Remembered what, Chris?”

“My birthday.”

“Your birthday.”

“Yeah.  It’s not even like you forgot; you didn’t know.  Like you never knew.”

“This is –” Zach stops before the word “ridiculous” can fall out of his mouth and it really does become ridiculous and they have to fight about Zach not knowing Chris’s birthday.  He didn’t realize people made big deals about their birthday after twenty-one but this is Chris and sometimes conversations with him are like walking through a minefield blindfolded.  “You’re right.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.”

Chris looks over at him all bright blue eyes and wan smile he’s trying to mean.  He claps Zach on the knee and squeezes just a little, sending a pleasant tingle up to the pit of his stomach.  Chris shrugs, “No big deal, man.  I’m just a little…”

Chris makes a weird hand-wavy motion and shrugs again, dropping his hands into his lap and looking out the window.  “You know how I get after long flights.”



It’s not like Zach tries to be an asshole to Chris but just sometimes…and it’s Chris and Zach has always been wrong-footed with him from the word go.  They’re friends or something, but it’s the “or something” that he usually trips up over because that “or something” (when Zach has Chris pressed to white hotel sheets and is taking him apart with lips and hands and tongue) is what is screaming at Zach that he needs to be better at this.

August 26th is a Monday and he hasn’t talked to Chris in days.  Not because he didn’t want to, but because he’s not so great with the secret keeping and he needed Chris to know that it was important enough to remember on his own.

It’s ten after two in the morning when Zach’s cab pulls up in front of Chris’s house.  He’s on his feet only by the grace of coffee and Lara Bars, but if he can do this right, he won’t have to be on his feet for much longer.  He enters the gate code and walks up the lighted path to Chris’s front door.  He’s not surprised to see the living room lights on, so he bangs on the door with both fists as obnoxiously as he can for ten straight seconds, laughing at himself a little for being such a dick.

The door swings open and Chris is wearing a loose tee, sweats and glasses and Zach kind of feels like maybe it’s his birthday because it’s killing him not to step inside and unwrap him looking like this.  The irritation drains from Chris’ face and he blinks back at Zach all wide-eyed confusion.


It’s all the welcome he needs.  He steps in, takes Chris’s face in his hands and pulls him in, kissing him soft and sweet and a little more tenderly than either of them are used to (and Zach’s starting to think that maybe they should be).  Chris’s hands come around him, one looped around the small of his back, the other hooking a thumb into Zach’s back pocket.  Zach kisses the corner of Chris’s mouth where it’s turning up in half a smile before pulling away completely, holding Chris at arm’s length and looking back at him.

“Happy birthday.”

Chris’s smile goes from pleasantly surprised to that warm, bright grin that makes Zach feel like he did something right.  Chris leans in for another kiss, shoving the door shut and pulling Zach closer.


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